she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
