I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
