Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
