I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
