I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the day after is always just damage control
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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