I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
