we made out on top of his cat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
