Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
