Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
