I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
