Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
