you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
