3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
