I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
smell my finger.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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