i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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