Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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