ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
