first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
