It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
