If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
