I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
