Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
