I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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