things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
