Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize