I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drake has all the answers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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