So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
