just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
