Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
