is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
