I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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