We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
