Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
