get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
