WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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