i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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