In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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