i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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