I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
