forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
