You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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