I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
