I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
