your room smells of hookers.
And success
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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