Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
