Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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