my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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