Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
pray to the hookup gods
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
