can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
