So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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