Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
