when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
