im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
