She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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