he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
