Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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