Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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