Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
