the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
