I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
